I am reposting this for my one reader who is not on Facebook. You know who you are.
1. I have five cats that I know of.
2. I once jumped out of a perfectly good airplane.
3. I can play three instruments: the kazoo, the triangle, and the tambourine.
4. I eat too much salsa.
5. I am on steroids. No really.
6. I don’t miss working for The Man.
7. I would walk 500 miles just to be the man who shows up at your door. Also I don’t have a car.
8. I joined Facebook just to check out my friend Nathan’s history of haircuts.
9. I now believe the mullet will be making a comeback very soon.
10. I once lived with a sloppy gay nazi, a germophobic Jew, a giant sociopath who was also my best friend, and his stoner girlfriend who I was in love with. Nathan can confirm I am not making this up.
11. I once crashed my friend Mark’s snowmobile into a mailbox and later my friend Chris’s snowmobile into a tree. They don’t let me drive anymore.
12. I was run over by Mark with a snowmobile. He is still allowed to drive for some reason.
13. I have delivered papers, flipped burgers, loaded lumber, telesurveyed, sold kitchen knives, wrote radio commercials, and shipped chemicals. And they say a Liberal Arts degree won’t take you anywhere.
14. I appear shallow at first, but when you dig deeper you will realize I have a nice ass.
15. I think “Spock’s Brain” is the worst Star Trek episode ever. Also I didn’t lose my virginity till I was 25.
16. I DJ’d an all Chinese wedding. I was still the shortest man there.
17. I once received a customer complaint that the truck driver showed up wearing his pajamas.
18. I owe my existence to Lean Pockets and Wheat Thins.
19. I can’t do the Mississippi Slide, but with the right amount of Crown Royal I can fake it.
20. I was tackled by a bench during football practice. I didn’t see much playing time.
21. I once shorted out the electricity to my entire apartment building while trying to fix a cordless phone.
22. I am getting hungry for lunch and my cat Jack is starting to look delicious.
23. I own four houses. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
24. I think Guantanamo Bay would make a fine boarding school for the neighbor kids.
25. I am above shameless promotions. Also I will grant you 25 years of good luck if you check out these websites:
