Off the Road Again

I was playing at Castle Farms which is located just south of Alaska in Charlevoix, MI.  People come from all over the country to be married there, making it is one of the most prestigious places to play in the state.  I knew I had to be on my “A” game and execute every action flawlessly.  So naturally, the first thing I did upon arrival was crash my DJ trailer into their property.

Despite hauling a trailer for over a decade, I am still exceptionally bad at driving with one.  I really should have taken this into account when I came up with a plan to get around the limo parked in front of the entrance.  I took the Jeep into a shallow dive to the right of the entrance, intending to swing around and back the trailer up as close as I could get to the door.  I did not notice the giant cement plant pot.  At least not until my trailer impacted with a sickening screech of grinding metal.

I put the Jeep in park immediately and went to investigate the destruction.  Amazingly the the pot showed no sign of damage and the trailer was only a little dinged up.  However I now had a problem.  I was stuck.

One of the Castle managers came out to greet me.  She was less than happy.  Guests from the wedding were starting to arrive, and an obnoxious red trailer blocking the entrance wasn’t the magical first impression they were going for.  She forcefully encouraged me to get out of the way.

As a DJ, I can perform under pressure.  As a trailer driver, not so much.  I backed up.  I pulled forward.  Then I backed up.  Then I pulled forward.  This went on for several minutes, with no luck.  I got out of the car and tried to move the pot, which weighed more than a hippopotamus and wouldn’t budge.  I went back to my forward/backward plan, but could not escape the gravitational pull of the pot.

Castle employees began to gather, watching the spectacle in awe.  “He hasn’t got a clue.” remarked the manager to one of her staff.  That stung a little, but could I really argue?  Let me tell you why I suck as a trailer driver.

When all hope seemed lost, a guest of the wedding offered to give it a shot.  He owned a boat and had a slightly higher grasp of trailer physics than me.  I gave him the keys gratefully.    In about thirty seconds, he was clear of the pot.  Everyone applauded, as he waved to the crowd and flashed a dazzling smile.

For every hero, there is a goat.  On that day I was the goat.  I sheepishly unpacked my equipment as quickly as possible, dodging the daggers coming out of the manager’s eyes.  My place in the Trailer Driving Hall of Shame is secure.



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One Response to “Off the Road Again”

  1. I love this story! Thank God for boat owners. I have driven my go-kart Honda’s over parking blocks after a relaxing tanning session, more than once.

    I bet you will never do that again. Well you might…
    Just be safe about it and be manly like you did in the story above. ASKING for help is okay! WHAT A MAN STEVE GAST!

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