Archive for April, 2010

me vs tree

Thursday, April 15th, 2010

The Magnificent Tree in the back yard crossed the line.  This is the same tree that attacked me the day I cleaned the gutters (April 13th, 2008).  Today it escalated hostility, attacking the roof itself.  The gutter was bent and scraped.  The shingles were smashed and scattered.  You’ve gone too far this time Magnificent Tree.

I calmly evaluated the situation and worked on a plan to deal with it.  This mostly involved crying.  Crawling up on the roof with my friend’s monster chainsaw would guarantee a trip to the emergency room.  But what choice did I have?  I picked up the phone to call him, when in the distance I heard a magic sound.  WRRRRM-NA-NA-NA-NA  WRRRRM-NA-NA-NA-NA.   I followed the sound across a couple yards until I found the source.  I can honestly say a 6’5″ man with a chainsaw never looked so good.

I pleaded my case to him and agreed to check it out.  He looked at the tree, fired up the chainsaw, stretched out his massive arms and one WRRRRRM-NA-NA-NA-NA later the branch was history.  I should have done the manly thing and bought him a beer.  That’s what real man guys do right?  Instead I thanked him profusely.  At least I managed to not cry while doing this.

The man left to chainsaw other lands and I took to the task of dismantling the giant branch. I dug out my gloves from the last time I did yardwork (April 13th, 2008) and began the breakdown. Only an hour later the branch was all bagged up and ready to go. I celebrated my victory. The roof may have been dinged up, but I have to say I won this round.

Yet as I write this, the Magnificent Tree looms in the back yard, silently plotting its revenge.