My friends Pete and Dara have a something year old daughter named Grace.  She appears to be a normal child at first, running, laughing and playing.  One would never suspect her sinister secret identity.  “I am a half-vampire.” she confided in me.

I admit I found this hard to believe, until she laid out the cold hard facts.

FACT: When her two front teeth fell out, she tasted her own blood and LIKED IT.

FACT: Now that her front teeth are missing, she has been left with a perfect set of little vampire fangs.

FACT: Ok, there weren’t any other facts but still the evidence is pretty conclusive.

Not quite convinced though, I noted that she was walking in broad daylight and had yet to burst into flames.  “That’s because I’m half-human” she said.  Touche.  She is exactly like Wesley Snipes in Blade, only four feet shorter and white minus the kung-fu skills and ninja swords.

At this point your first impulse may be to stock up on garlic and holy water.  I assure you though, there is no need to panic.  Grace promised me she will not feed on other humans.   For now….

There was a knock at the door.  I opened it and it was Godzilla.  I said “Hey, GZ, what’s up?”  He said, “I’m here to fight the monster.”  I said “what monster?”  He pointed down.  I looked and sure enough there was a mutant zit on my belly the size of Mothra.