Archive for December, 2007

Thursday Thirteen

Thursday, December 20th, 2007
Thirteen Ways My Cats Help Around The House

Far from being furry freeloaders, my cats definitely pull their weight…

1. Who needs a dishwasher? – Used plates and silverware are licked spotless, saving hundreds of dollars in water and electricity.

2. Dressing warm for the winter is not a problem – The extra layer of cat hair on all our clothes keeps us nice and cozy.

3. Save the Earth by recycling – Items such as plastic bottle caps, ribbons, and Legos are sucked in through the front of the cat, processed, packaged and delivered through the back end.

4. Holiday helpers – They drink from the Christmas tree water bowl to ensure the tree does not overhydrate.

5. Safety first – Kitty scratches are a great reminder to keep the first aid drawer stocked.

6. Stimulating the economy – Wallmart would probably go out of business if not for the 18 tons of kitty litter we buy every month.

7. Damn thirteen is a lot of numbers! Let’s call this the 7th inning stretch. This is best performed by digging your claws into the $500 couch for leverage.

8. Remodeling – Our cupboards no longer have that dated 70′s darkwood look since they stripped the paint.

9. Everyone wants to be a star – It’s impossible not to feel like a celebrity when they watch every little thing you do from laundry to peeing.

10. Zen and the art of licking yourself – They will sit and take a bath on whatever book you are about to read, preventing you from cluttering your mind with unnecessary facts.

11. Security – Whenever someone comes to the door, they will leap to our protection. Provided we are hiding under the couch at the time.

12. Tech support – Ever want to turn everything on your monitor sideways? Just leave your laptop open in an area of high kitty traffic (i.e. the kitchen table).

13. The unbreakable emotional bond – Although they can’t talk, I know when they nuzzle my arm and look at me with warm affection in their eyes, they are saying “I love you so much! Also, can I have some of the pizza you are currently eating?”

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Pop Quiz

Monday, December 17th, 2007

Which one is Biscuit and which one is the dead mole?

Dead mole.jpg

Biscuit the Mole.jpg

Biscuit invents new sport for ESPN 8

Friday, December 7th, 2007

Yesterday Biscuit took fetch to a whole new level: FETCH X-TREME

He would start in a three point stance with his claws firmly planted in my chest and a straw clenched in his teeth.

I would take the straw, give the command “Ohmygodgetoffme!” and throw it as far as I could.

Biscuit would then jump down, run break neck speed to the straw, grab it in his mouth, run back, climb me like a tree and deliver the straw face to face.

I want pads and a helmet next time we play.