I had the cutest little flower girl from hell last night…
CARMEN: Do you have the song “I don’t want to be a chicken, I don’t want to be a duck?”
ME: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
CARMEN: You know. I don’t want to a chicken, I don’t want to be a duck!
ME: That’s just weird. Why would anyone say they they don’t want to be a chicken?
CARMEN: Oh come on.
ME: Wait, do you mean the song where you quack and flap and wiggle?
CARMEN: Yes!!
ME: No I’ve never heard of that song.
CARMEN: What? Yes you have!
ME: Nope. Oh wait, do you mean the song where you quack with your hands like this (quacks hands), flap your arms like this (flaps arms), and wiggle your butt like this (wiggles butt)?
CARMEN: Yes! That’s it!!
ME: Sorry I’ve never heard of that song.
CARMEN: You’re a madman.
Later…
CARMEN: Do you like knock knock jokes.
ME: Uh, sure I guess.
CARMEN: Knock Knock
ME: Who’s there?
CARMEN: Gorilla.
ME: Gorilla who?
CARMEN: Gorilla sandwich!
ME: Um…I don’t get it.
CARMEN: He’s a gorilla…
ME: Ok.
CARMEN: With a gorilla sandwich!
ME: Why would a gorilla eat a gorilla sandwich? That’s gross!
CARMEN: Argh!
Later…
ME: Hey kids I need you to move away from the equipment. If it falls down it could squish you.
CARMEN: I already fell off my bike!
ME: Earlier today?
CARMEN: No.
ME: Well. That was random. Did you hit your head?
CARMEN’S FRIEND: Probably.
ME: It would explain a lot.
Later…
CARMEN: Can we do the limbo?
ME: Oh sorry. Can’t help you there. We don’t have a limbo pole.
CARMEN: Please??
ME: Look, in order to do the limbo, you need something to limbo under, like a broom handle. I don’t have a broom handle. Do you?
CARMEN: No.
ME: Well there you go.
CARMEN: But we gotta do the limbo! Come on, please?
ME: All right, I’ll make you a deal. If you can find a broom handle, we’ll do the limbo.
CARMEN: Ok! (runs off)
ME: That should hold her for a while.
Two minutes later…
BANQUET SERVER: The flower girl wanted you to have this. (hands me a broom handle)
ME: Unbelievable.