Archive for November, 2006

mind under muscle

Monday, November 27th, 2006

In my most recent attempt to kill myself at the gym, I had another run in with the weight bench. I warmed up with no problem, then put on some extra plates. Even though I had missed last week due to a annoying head cold, I was still pretty confident I could do my normal 205LB.

I attempted to lift the bar off the rack. I got it up about two inches before it slammed back down. That wasn’t overly encouraging, but I thought my grip was just a little off. I readjusted my hands, took a deep breath and pressed the bar up. It wobbled a bit but I did get it off the rack this time. I figured I would shoot for two, maybe three reps.

But as I lowered the bar to my chest, a monkey suddenly jumped on to one side. I couldn’t actually see this, but I had no other explanation. As I struggled to press the weight off my chest, I reflected – what are the odds of getting killed by a monkey at the gym? Maybe 1 in 5 at best??

However, I somehow managed to get the bar back up to the rack. I was about to give the monkey a real stern talking to, but he was nowhere to be found. All I saw was 45LB plate where there should have been a 35LB plate. So instead of benching a smooth 205LB, I had actually just done a slightly unbalanced 215LB. I shook my head. That little bastard had swapped weights on me when I wasn’t looking. Stupid monkey.