Archive for June, 2006

They should have gone with karaoke

Thursday, June 29th, 2006

This June has been strangely quiet on DJ front. I have had two weekends off which is unheard of this time of year. So while I wait for the Summer of Bumps to get rolling again, here is a look back at my most disastrous wedding ever…

I arrived at the hall, a tiny building in the middle of a cornfield several miles from civilization, to find momzilla already fuming. Not at me…yet. No, the wrath was currently being directed at the poor hall coordinator. The reason? A dog had taken a crap on the sidewalk in front of the hall. It did not matter that the offensive pile of poo had been removed prior to any guests arriving. As far as momzilla was concerned the doggy droppings damage had been done and the day was obviously ruined.

I have bumped in to several momzillas over the years, almost always mothers of the bride who feel entitled to control every minute detail of the reception (one actually said to me “This is MY day.”) This dragon lady made them all look like fuzzy bunnies. Strangely enough she was the mother of the groom.

It quickly became apparent that although she was marrying off her son that day, she had no plans to actually let him go. I swear to you this boy’s umbilical cord was intact. So when it got to the mother/son dance naturally the song they requested was Boyz II Men’s “Mama”. They made it clear to me that this was THE most important song, THE most important dance. The success of the reception and in fact the marriage itself, for that matter the fate of the entire universe hinged on mom dancing with her son to “Mama”.

I assured them I had it, put the CD in the player and…nothing. The song would not even cue up let alone play. It’s hard to describe the sinking feeling a DJ has when a song for one of the formal dance refuses to work. Utter helplessness.

Mama, son and a hundred guests looked at me expectantly. Unfortunately the mic was still turned on as my brain shut down. “Um…er…well…” I was not exactly exuding confidence at this point. I called over mom and son and explained there would be no “Mama”. Mama did not take this news well. I can’t remember what I played in it’s place, only momzilla and son glaring at me as they danced to an inferior song.

A short memory is critical for any DJ. I said to myself “It never happened” and proceeded to give it my all for the dance. The rest of the night seemed to go fairly well and when was it was over I patted myself on the back for a nice recovery. When momzilla came over with my paycheck however she was quick to remind me how I ruined the night.

“Well I am going to pay you, but I have to say we are very disappointed. We really wanted that song.” I thought about mentioning how the other 5 hours and 58 minutes of the reception were a success but instead apologized for the bajillionth time that night. After she left I commiserated with the hall coordinator. I felt a little better when she told me that was the rudest, meanest bridal party she had ever worked with.

It wasn’t till a week later I learned I had made a horrific mistake that night. I thought the dance had gone well completely oblivious to the travesty that had come out of my mouth. My agent had received a call from momzilla with a laundry list of complaints. No shock there – until he relayed to me what had happened.

The DJ who trained me used a gimmick to trick the entire reception into doing the chicken dance. He would stop the music, send the bride and groom to the center of the dance floor, and tell the crowd they had a “special announcement”. The special announcement could only be given once all the guests had circled the bride and groom on the dance floor, at which point, the DJ would tell everyone that the special announcement was that the bride and groom wanted everyone to do the chicken dance. Done correctly the guests would have a riot with it.

Done correctly that is. As I sent the bride and groom to the center of the floor, some people naturally started asking what the announcement was. Unfortunately at this point my mouth began to wander. As my girlfriend will attest, nothing good ever happens when I ad lib.

I spoke over the microphone “Come on out everyone. We need you all on the floor for this huge announcement. I won’t say what it is. No she’s not pregnant, this is something else.”

Well, as it turns out…

and I was the only one in the room who didn’t know. Immediately after the chicken dance all the guests hounded the bride: “Is everything all right? Is the baby ok?”

You put your right foot in, you take your right foot out, you put your right foot in and then you stick it in your mouth.

The baby my friend Mark ordered on EBay finally arrived

Saturday, June 24th, 2006


Multimedia message
Originally uploaded by sgfaboo.

Actually it is his nephew Owen and the bidding doesn’t start till Sunday night.

Names schmames

Friday, June 23rd, 2006

Ok, groom is Randy, bride is Shannon. Randy and Shannon, Randy and Shannon, Randy and Shannon…got it.

“and now ladies and gentleman it’t time for the Father/Daughter dance, so Sandy please take your father’s hand…”

sigh

666

Wednesday, June 7th, 2006

I must admit I am a little disappointed with Satan. The best he could muster yesterday was to knock the power out at my house, and only for two hours. His heart just isn’t in it anymore.