One day after the wrath of God struck our neighborhood, the wind was still pretty strong. I decided to give the stunt kite I received for Christmas another shot. The soccer fields at the local high school are the best place to fly, and they are very close to my house. When you drive a car. But because a tank of gas takes up a third of my annual salary, and my gut looks like a six pack of marshmallows, I decided to ride my bike.
Now the last time I rode a bike for any distance greater than the length of a driveway was 1997. The front tire was a little low for some reason. This made for slow progress and one freakin scary ride over the bridge. In the middle was a narrow stretch of sidewalk. On my left was a 50 foot drop into a river so polluted I would glow in the dark if I fell in. On my right was deadly rush hour traffic. My redneck neighbor Randy admits to feeding his family with roadkill, and I had visions of being on the main course: “Ohh I’m starving! Pass me the Steve and gravy!”
I survived though and made it to the gas station where I refilled the air in the tires. I found that I could go much faster after that. I also found that when paying attention to new found speed and not to where you are going can be unpleasant. I didn’t wipe out when I flew off the curb, but my back sure did absorb the shock. It’s a wee bit stiff today.
Finally made it to the fields, where I proceeded to not fly my “stunt” kite. I think by “stunt” they meant spin uncontrollably before crashing in to the ground. If it were stunt motorcycles or planes that might be entertaining, but I just wanted my kite to fly. Across the street I saw a mother and a little boy looking on. I couldn’t hear them, but I’m sure their conversation went something like this:
Mom: “Son promise me when you grow up, you won’t suck that bad at stunt kite flying.”
Kid: “Mom, I don’t suck that bad now, and I’m only three!”
Eventually I gave up and returned home without incident. There I found my roommate Ryan unloading a supervacuum, aluminum ladder and a giant chainsaw.
I wish I had the words to describe Ryan, but simply none will do him justice. Especially when he is “GO” mode, which was the case here. Yesterday the storm had knocked a large branch from a nearby tree on to the roof. The insurance company told him he would have to deal with it himself, and that’s all it took to send him in to overdrive. When I returned from the watching the game, the branch was gone. So was the tree.
Or to be more accurate, the tree was now at the corner of the yard stacked in a neatly organized pile. Basically he had done the work of four men and still had time to meet a new neighbor and tour his house. He is a people magnet though. And completely insane. Fortunately though by 1am he was finished powervaccuming the house.