girlfriend has requested I write something lame for her and I am up to the challenge despite having just had a cup.5 of buttered rum. mmm, buttered rum. It looks like poo when you make it and has enough cholesterol to kill an adult mule (I speak from experience), but goddamn is it good.
So a tribute to lameatude this Holiday weekend:
* Working for The Man – The Man promised us we could get out of work at 3 on Wednesday. This excited me because I don’t get much free time and planned to do it up with movies and video games. But my phone rang at 2:59 with a problem that took another hour to solve.
* Snow – I like snow sometimes. It’s fluffy and pure and fun to play in. But when a foot of it comes down just as you are leaving work (an hour later than planned on your movie/video game day) I unlike it. Mainly because the first snow in Michigan has a scientifically documented ability to send psychic waves of amnesia. Even though our state motto was going to be “Where Old Man Winter Takes A Dump” (they had trouble fitting it all on the license plate) people who have lived here their whole lives will behave as though they have never seen snow. As a result they will invariably use the same driving techniques they would on dry road. This results in some mystified looks as they slide sideways, completely unable to grasp the physics of the situation. Fortunately the state government recognized this phenomenon and installed car catchers on the side of the road, called “ditches”.
Anyway, this slowed progress to the video store. After making my selection, I ordered some pizza so it would be waiting at my door when I got home. However, one of the many casualties I passed on the slow trek home was the pizza delivery guy. His tire was blown so I got out to “help” – not sure what I was thinking because with my mechanical ability he might as well have been trying to repair a nuclear reactor. But I know a stripped bolt when I see one and that dude was going no where without a tow truck. He said he had a cell phone and sent me on my way. I called the pizza place back and said I would pick the pizza up myself. They said it was good idea and would be waiting for me when I got there.
It wasn’t. Snow also affects people’s digestive system causing overwhelming cravings for pizza. This, combined with delivery guys hanging out with the beavers who live in the car catchers resulted in pure chaos at the pizza shop. The whole staff looked like they had been taking turns hitting each other in the face with a bat. Needless to say my pizza order fell through the cracks and they had to remake it.
So I got home about three hours later than planned. Tried to make the most of it and plugged in my first movie. Then my girlfriend called and said she was going to the bars that night with an old friend. Now it wasn’t just snowing outside, it was storming, with thunder and lightening. I’ve never seen anything like it and could only think it was nature’s polite way of saying “Don’t fuck with me.” Yet my girlfriend was going to go out in it and consume lots of alcohol. The concept didn’t really excite my, and I was a nervous wreck worrying about it. Happy to report she made it home safe! My “me” night however just never stood a chance and was over before I knew it 
So yeah, snow is lame.
* The Detroit Lions – lame. Lame. LAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh great, now I’m crying…
* BUT on an UNlame note – Turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy and stuffing. Oh do I give thanks for turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy and stuffing. And some freaking buttered rum! …mmm, buttered rum.