Archive for May, 2004

God help us.

Friday, May 28th, 2004

Every month or so I receive a forwarded e-mail complaining that God is being phased out of government:

“It has been reported that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore, I
have a very hard time understanding why there is such a mess about having
‘In God We Trust’ on our money and having God in the pledge of Allegiance.”

And you know they are absolutely right. I think our national motto should reflect the religious beliefs of it’s people. Of course there will have to be a few modifications to make sure it is an accurate representation.

We should probably include the 14,418,434 US citizens who subscibe to the Buddhist faith – this will be a little tricky as they do not follow a specific god, but focus on achieving enlightenment.

Then there are those 14,418,434 Agnositcs who choose neither to believe or disbelieve.

That’s not be confused with the 11,534,747 Atheists who do not believe.

We would also be remiss if we didn’t remember our 11,534,747 Hindu brothers and sisters who belive in multiple deities. (This is also true for our 2,018,580 Pagans and 1,441,843 Native Americans)

Along those same lines we should include our 1,730,212 Wiccans who believe in both a God and a Goddess.

Finally to be fair we should find some way to account for the 38,064,668 people who just can’t make up their minds on a religion.

So our new motto should look something like this:

“IN GOD(S) AND GODDESS(ES) WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT EXIST (AND SOME OF US VOTE FOR NOT WHILE OTHERS ARE BUSY OBTAINING SPIRITUAL ENLIGHTENMENT) WE TRUST?”

Sure it won’t be easy to fit all this on a dollar bill (and the reprinting fees will be extreme), but that’s a small price to pay ensuring that religion will be squarely mixed up with government where it belongs.

May 7th is International Tuba Day

Friday, May 7th, 2004

It’s so beautiful when tuba players from Azerbaijan to Zambia join hands, forcing them to drop their tubas on to their feet. They fall for it every year!